There’s a tricky thing that happens when we need others to help us but we are the helpers, the healers. We sit and wait. We want help and we need support. We remember all the people who said they would help, that we would not need to be alone or do so much on your own, yet we wait. We sit and we wait. The help and support never really manifests itself, not really. We carry the weight of it all on our own anyway. Yet, we remember the people telling us to stop carrying so much on your own, to ask for help. Nothing can be further from the truth, it would seem.
Helpers and healers should not have to have an actual breakdown in front of everyone in order to receive the help and support we need and deserve. The help and support should be there before the breakdown happens, isn’t that the point of helping and supporting another human being? The point is to either help carry a little bit of their burden or to ease their burden just a little. The point is to offer a respite and then follow up the offer with action. Actions carry so much more weight than pretty, fluffy words. But we wait.
Helping is so simple, as humans we tend to turn it into such a huge undertaking. The effort of bringing someone lunch or coffee while they are struggling is an act of helping. The effort of simply sitting with someone in silence as they endure is so helpful and healing. The effort of sending someone sweet and genuine reminders that they are being thought of and loved and that they are seen, it makes a big difference. Helpers and healers are usually so invisible to the world around them until suddenly one day they stop helping and healing. Then the world around them notices and everyone has an opinion. You must help while it matters. You must do it while it is needed most, during the burden and not after it.
Simple ways to help:
Show affection, genuine affection.
Send a card, an uplifting card.
Make or bring lunch or dinner, or even a special treat.
Bring them coffee or tea.
Offer to sit and watch a film together.
Say “thank you.”
Say you notice.
Say “I love you”.
Say “I care.”
Show up. Don’t just talk. Talk means nothing. Actions mean everything. Even the small little actions that you might believe are nonsense, meaningless and trivial. They aren’t. The helpers and healers need these small efforts from the rest of the human race in order to sustain their hope and resiliency.
It’s all so very simple. Don’t complicate it. Make it small and meaningful. That is what truly matters to the helpers and the healers.
Counselor Xiomara A. Sosa